The other day alert reader Wooz posted this on our facebook page:
School Science Students Send Rubber Chicken Into Space Wearing Knitted Astronaut Suit.
Was this directed at us? WE THINK SO! As the RCS is not a loosely knit conglomerate of pussies, we’re not going to take this lying down. So, school children: ”FUCK YOU GUYS! WE SEE YOUR BALLOON AND RAISE YOU A ROCKET!” That’s right, the RCS One-Man Engineering Department (Andrew) is currently building a rocket to which we will duct tape a rubber chicken and send into ACTUAL space. HA HA HA HA, school children, you only got to the top of the atmosphere. You LOSERS! Also, our chicken will be dressed up as Khan from Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, which kicks your grandma knitted astronaut suit’s stupid ass.
Conversation With Sirrah:
Sirrah: did you see how those school kids got all up in our shit and sent a chicken into space on a bunch of balloons?
me: those fuckers!
Sirrah: I know!
me: balloons are for pussies. we should build a rocket, only then we have to figure out rocket physics and that sounds hard. I took physics in college and never did manage to figure out what keeps the people on a roller coaster when it does the upsidey down bit. Which basically means I paid a thousand dollars NEVER TO RIDE ANOTHER ROLLER COASTER.
Sirrah: Andrew can do it.
me: Awesome. This space race is ON, motherfuckers!
If any of you guys work for NASA or something, do you think you could boost us some good rocket fuel? Otherwise, this rocket’s payload is going to consist of whatever the RCS Chemistry Department (also Andrew) can concoct out of everyday household items like Epsom salts and Tampax. Thanks!