Wow! When I logged on to wordpress this morning, I totally didn’t expect to find that our little blog had somehow inspired 23 people to read it (well, 19 real people, the O4 don’t count). Then I felt bad. You must be saying, “WHAT THE FUCK!” and maybe feeling a little bit good about yourselves because CLEARLY there are some motherfuckers out there who are 1) Crazier than you, and 2) Aren’t currently being featured in a Lifetime Movie of the Week. So, just to clarify things for people who have yet to be officially chicken-bombed, here is a transcript from theofficialRubber Chicken Society Brochure (Mark 1).
The Rubber Chicken Society was founded in 2012 in a last ditch bid to get rid of a bunch of rubber chickens that had appeared at the local thrift store under mysterious circumstances. Delivered by night, with no note or apparent donor, the original four (O4) rubber chickens (Mephistopheles, Titian, Avogadro, and Kevin), clearly needed to find new homes. That’s when RCS founder Duchess Anastasia Marina Blunderbuss Von Assencrack stepped in. Beginning with a humble mailing, out beloved Duchess secured new adoptive familes for the O4 — keeping the total-world-domination obsessed Mephistopheles for herself. The kind and loving women who adoped Titian, Avogadro (of the organic spelling), and Kevin keep the RCS posted on the many adventures these irreverent chickes seem to continually become involved in. As time progressed the O4 came to understand that four rubber chickens do not world domination make. The army began to multiply, as more and more unsuspecting famlies found rubber chickens on their doorsteps, in their mail boxes, and in other (much more unpleasant locations.) The practice of “chicken bombing” became the RCS’s number one recruitment strategy.
Now, the RCS is one of the most famous pseudo-secret societies on the internet, laying claim toexactly4 members. Membership is by invitation only, unless you find a mysterious rubber chicken. Then, it’s a calling.
The RCS plans to participate in various charity endeavors throughout the year. We will also be founding the RCS Smut O’The Month Club (also known as the RCS Totally Intellectual Book Club) wherein every member is expected to read on sleazy romance novel per month and share all the good bits on facebook. To see the very first Smut Club entry, read our Smut O’The Month Club — ACTIVATED blog.
The RCS expects members to include their adoptive chickens in every aspect of their lives, and participate in documenting this inclusion. Photographs of your chicken in various exotic locales (like the pyramids, the Taj Mahal, or in your dog’s mouth) are heartily encouraged.
Enjoy your new best friend. If you have any chicken management problems, we recommend that you consult, “Fowls Are Totally Foul,” by Gilbreath Pullet. While electroshock therapy for errant chickens may seem hars, Mr. Pullet makes a very compelling case.
RCS GIVES BACK
Anytime an RCS member does anything even vaguely charitable, full chicken participation is requested. Whether you’re walking for breast cancer awareness, building a habitat for humanity, or just picking up a used condom some derelict left on the sidewalk in front of your house, be sure to credit the RCS. We will be applying for grants, and frankly, the Smut O’The Month Club isn’t going to get us anywhere. Be proactive — take your cocks out!
This is our big event, the one day of the year that all of the RCS’ers are invited to meet up and cause some serious chaos. The location for the 2012 RCS-CON is still being hotly debated. Suggested locations are: Memphis, TN; Las Vegas, NV; Your Stupid Bunghole, USA; and Pueblo, CO. To offer your suggestions, please post a comment on our facebook page. The RCS encourages debate, and a strict, “Shut up, you stupid whore” format should be observed at all times. After all, it’s only polite.
RCS – CHICKEN IN ACTION AWARD
This annual award (the C.I.A.) is given annually to the member who posts the best “cock shot.” Competition is stiff, so be sure to put yours in early!
And that’s the brochure. Rubber Chicken Society Starter Kits included the brochure, a Know Your Chicken card that detailed all the attributes of the chicken’s personalities, a book about our back story entitled “A Deposit of Chickens,” a response post card, and ONE RUBBER CHICKEN. Now you have as much of a clue as any of the rest of us. Remember, no one except you will question your sanity if you continue to read this blog. The rest of us have no room to talk.
Cheers. Don’t forget your condoms and bail money!