We feel that, as an organization, it’s time to politicize. First priority: bajingo protection. As all of the O4 are currently in possession of at least one fairly intact bajingo, we’ve decided to throw our totally inconsiderable political weight around and come out (wait for it…) IN FAVOR OF WOMEN’S HEALTH. That’s right, the RCS supports a woman’s right to choose whether or not to have her nethers stretched out by gigantic baby heads.
We, as a group, think that the utter zenith of Mt. Bizarro was conquered earlier this year when the Republican Party supported the Blunt Bill (a whacked out piece of legislation that would make it legal for companies not to provide insurance for contraceptives due to moral indignation).
“Rick Santorum scoffed at the need for contraception coverage, calling birth control a “minor expense.” Foster Friess, a major Santorum donor, suggested that “gals” might want to hold aspirin between their knees as a birth-control device,” Erika Christakis reported for the Huffington Post (check out her awesome blog @erikachristakis.com).
While the Blunt Bill was narrowly overturned by the U.S. Senate, it seems like once again women are going to have to fight for Bajingo Freedom. So today we are founding a new division of the RCS — The Bajingo Liberation Front. You don’t have to be invited to join. Just leave us a comment and let us know you’re in. We’ll send you BLF updates whenever we engage in Bajingo guerilla warfare, and let you know what we’re doing to support and empower Bajingos worldwide. Meanwhile, we’ve created some new merchandise for our zazzle.com store (Chickenshits) that you can purchase to help us get the word out there. All proceeds from any Bajingo related merchandise in our store will go directly to Planned Parenthood (an institution that deserves a Nobel Peace Prize for keeping 100% of the RCS membership not pregnant at least part of the time).
The back says: Save the Bajingos! Support Publically Funded Women’s Health!
NEXT (for those of you who don’t want to walk around with the word “bastard” emblazoned on your chest):
*Sorry, the larger version wouldn’t paste. It’s bigger if you click the link! It says the same thing as the first one on the back (except minus the save the bajingos thing because it already says it on the front).
Conversation With Kelly:
me: dude, you cannot TELL me that child-birth doesn’t stretch the HELL out of a Bajingo. I’ve seen the videos. There’s no way it goes back. You could do kegels for a million years, and you’re not getting Vagopolis back down to Vagville.
Kelly: totally. I had my kids via C-section, but they showed us those horrible 1972 child-birth horror videos in my high school health class. It was like watching the alien come out of a hedgehog.
me: see, and this is why women should get to pick whether or not they use birth control. IRREPARABLE DAMAGES. I mean if bajingos were Toyotas this wouldn’t even be an issue. You know what we need to do, we need to PROVE CONCLUSIVELY that it impossible for a bajingo to return to its original state after child-birth without surgical intervention.
Kelly: and exactly how to you propose to prove that?
me: What’s the stretchiest thing you can think of? Rubber bands, right? How much more elasticy can you get than elastic?
me: so you know how when you stretch a rubber band out really far it doesn’t go back to being as small as it was originally?
me: so what we do is, we measure the diameter of a rubber band. Then we get a baby and put the rubber band around its head. Then we take the rubber band off and measure the new diameter. PROOF!
Kelly: YOU CANNOT PUT A RUBBER BAND AROUND A BABY’S HEAD!!! YOU WILL KILL IT!!!!
me: dude, PROOF!
*coming soon: Pro-Bajingo men’s t-shirts, more BLF news, and Rubber Chicken Puppet Theater.
Available now: Yours and Mine Toilet Wine coffee mugs!