The other day I was in the party supply store looking for some gift bags, and they had this:
I saw the tag that said SALE (and everyone knows that when you see the word SALE in the wig/fake facial hair section YOU LOOK) and immediately looked to see what all the fuss was about. I saw this box and thought it said, “Canadian Moustache” instead of “Comedian Moustache.” I got really excited. “Hmmm,” I mused (probably out loud because sometimes I talk to myself in public), “What in the hell is a Canadian Moustache?” Then I re-read the box, and all the wonder was briefly sucked from the world. BUT THEN I started thinking about what a Canadian Moustache might be if it actually was a thing, and that led me to the idea that the Canadian Moustache definitely needed a taxonomy.
Help us define the Elusive Canadian Moustache. All you have to do is draw, paint, collage, face paint, arc weld, poop or create (you can use any media) an image of what you think a Canadian Moustache would be if it were a real thing and not just one of my hallucinations. Send your entries to firstname.lastname@example.org, and we’ll post the best ones on our blog. The overall winner will be chosen by the O4 and will receive some ho-made RCS schwag — if they’re brave enough to email us their addresses.
Just to get you started, here’s my entry:
Moustache model courtesy of the late, great Edward Gorey.
Conversation with Kelly:
Kelly: I’d just like to point out that you’re probably the only person IN THE WORLD who needs to justify their brain farts by getting a lot of people to make you Canadian moustache pictures.
me: I know! It’s like I’m a brain fart Borgia. Before you know it, I’ll be living in the Vatican with 32 mistresses and self-perpetuating Hefty bag full of crack.
Kelly: I seriously doubt that. The only way you’re getting into the Vatican is on the tour.
me: as my Dad used to say every time my Mom forced us to go to church, “If the lightning comes, it’s for the girl.”
WE ARE LIVE ON TWITTER, EVERYBODY! THIS IS NOT A DRILL. FOLLOW THE RUBBER CHICKEN SOCIETY TO GET THE LATEST IN RUBBER CHICKEN NEWS AND JUST TO SEE SHIT THAT I THINK IS FUNNY RIGHT WHEN I TAKE A PICTURE OF IT ON MY CELL PHONE. I’m excited about this. Can you tell?
Stay tuned: to find out exactly why I needed a Comedian Moustache anyway, the Rubber Chicken (Travelling) puppet theater is nearing completion, and to see if Kevin gets the job at KFC.