There as been some skepticism expressed by concerned RCS’ers as to whether or not we will be able to launch a chicken into actual space. Evidently, this project could cost 100’s of thousands of dollars, and (since re-entry is estimated to occur somewhere over North Korea) percipitate Global Thermal Nuclear War (see: “War Games,” 1983, http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086567/. Additionally, we seem to be experiencing a chronic lack of faith in our rocket building abilities. The phrase, “You guys are going to blow yourselves the fuck up,” has been bandied about with startling regularity.
We at RCS Headquarters understand your concerns, and are doing our level best to address them. In fact, next week we will be sending an open letter to billionaire facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg requesting funding. We’re also planning to request a piggy back ride on one of the new asteroid mining ships that are currently in development: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2012/04/28/businessinsiderthis-is-it-the-aster.DTL. As to the threat of Global Thermal Nuclear War, we are pretty much SURE that our chicken rocket will burn up in the atmosphere, but are prepared to offer to play tic-tac-toe with North Korea until they realize that nuclear war is futile. See — contingency plans!
We know that you’re moderately concerned that we’re just going to blow ourselves sky high, so (in order to pacify you pussies) we contacted a REAL Astrophysicist to work out the odds. Here they are:
Chances that we will actually launch a chicken rocket into orbit: .003%
Chances that our chicken rocket will explode upon ignition: 98.2%
Chances that we will drink beer all day: 100%
Those seem like pretty good odds to us. We are, however, investing in a REALLY long fuse.
Stay Tuned For: The RCS Puppet Theater Has Arrived in Memphis, No Response From NASA, I Get A Response From Cecile Richards of Planned Parenthood, School Children Respond to RCS Space Challenge, RCS Movie Texts, and Introducing the Half-Cocks!