Wherein I FINALLY Email Marvelous Mark Zuckerberg…

Marvelous Mark!

Dear Marvelous Mark (Mr. Zuckerberg),

Hey, way to go at inventing Facebook. It’s pretty awesome, and everyone uses it. Could you, if you get time, please develop a way to keep my parents from stalking me on your program. I know that I could just refuse to “friend” them, but that would result in a shit storm of epic proportions, so I’d rather not. Could you maybe make like a “parent blocker” that prevents them from seeing you (or anything you say – especially about your bajingo) online? That would be rad.

The reason I’m really writing you today is probably the same reason that most other people write you – you’re kind of super rich now, and my organization needs money. DON’T STOP READING! The RCS (Rubber Chicken Society) needs you to help us shoot a rubber chicken into actual space (I’ve been told that this is called “orbit”). OKAY! WAIT!!! DON’T STOP READING! You see, kind of on accident (okay, so I did it by screaming at school children – but they ASKED FOR IT) the RCS got into a pissing contest with a bunch of 8 year old kids who attached a rubber chicken wearing a stupid grandma-knitted astronaut suit to a weather balloon and sent it into ALMOST space. You can read about it here: https://rubberchickensociety.wordpress.com/2012/04/24/the-rcs-enters-the-space-race/. For some reason (probably Pabst Blue Ribbon), the RCS perceived this as a direct attack, and launched a counterstrike: The RCS Space Program. After recruiting an actual astrophysicist (Dr. T.), however, we discovered that launching a chicken into space could 1) cost 100’s of thousands of dollars and 2) possibly precipitate Global Thermal Nuclear War. We think we have a solution to part 2 of our problem, but (as we are an organization that has spent over a month trying to raise $24.95) we’re having a considerable problem solving part 1. So, um…this is awkward…um…would you maybe (and only if we’re really nice to you) consider giving us $200,000 dollars to launch a rubber chicken dressed as Khan from Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan into space? If you do, I’ll make you the same deal I made the wonks from NASA: we’ll invite you to the launch, fill you full of cheap beer and cheaper hot dogs, and call you Marvelous Mark all day. Also, there is definitely a T-shirt for you in this. Just think about it, okay?

We’re really looking forward to working with you!

Your Friends,




Johnny Spot – RCS Press Representative


P.S. You can read the whole RCS Space Saga by following these links:








 Stay Tuned For: RCS Puppet Theater Upgrade (Mark 2)/Auditions, Introducing Dr. T, Notes From The Star Wars Pilgrimage Planning Commitee, Titian Emerges, and probably something about Kevin.


About rubberchickensociety

The Rubber Chicken Society is a loosely knit collective of free thinkers who support and enjoy chicken related humor.
This entry was posted in Humor, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Wherein I FINALLY Email Marvelous Mark Zuckerberg…

  1. OLIC says:

    You should totally ask Pabst to sponsor you.

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