Did you ever wonder who the “worst of the worst” are? Listed below are the biggest movie scumbags and sleazoids the RCS could cook up, with a bonus “Lest We Forget” section for runners-up. Enjoy!
Top Ten Sleaziest Movie Characters of All Time
10. Warren Beatty — Himself — “Madonna: Truth or Dare”
Warren Beatty comes off in this “documentary” as perhaps the biggest dickhead the world has ever seen. He’s smarmy, cheesy, neglectful, and creepy all rolled into one big oily package. Too bad he’s not playing a character.
9. Dan Gallagher — Michael Douglas — “Fatal Attraction”
I never understood why no one thought this guy was a total douche. He had an affair with a crazy chick, got his weird looking daughter’s bunny boiled, and then almost got himself and his wife stabbed with what can only be described as a FUCKING MASSIVE butcher knife. He gets away with it, though. It’s like he didn’t directly cause this entire problem at all. He’s officially our “Teflon Scum.” P.S. It was really hard to choose WHICH movie Michael Douglas was MOST scummy in, as he is a scuzzball in practically all of them.
8. Dr. Gonzo — Benecio Del Toro — “Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas”
Here’s a pervy lintlicker you kind of love to hate. He’s greasy, he’s slimy, he’s fat, he looks like he reeks of cheap booze, b.o., and spermicide, and he’s stuck with Hunter S. Thompson. Somehow, even though he picks up underaged girls and abandons them with no money in trashed hotel rooms, he looks like he might be kinda fun. That is, if you have a clearly marked escape route and can somehow manage to translate his grunting patois into English. Quick question: when he tried to get HST to kill him by throwing the tape recorder playing White Rabbit into the bathtub, WAS THAT A TURD IN THERE? Gross.
7. Damon Killian — Richard Dawson — “Running Man”
This is probably the most well-cast roll EVER. Richard Dawson plays a twisted announcer for a sick game show in a post-apocalyptic society. How far is that really from Family Feud?
6. Dr. Frederick Chilton — Anthony Heald — “Silence of the Lambs”
Dr. Chilton is the power-grubbing head of the prison for the insane that Hannibal Lector is committed to (albeit briefly). He’s the guy with so much grease in his hair that you could use it to saute onions. He’s also the guy that gives Hannibal the pen that ultimately results in both Lector’s escape and three other really bad movies. For that, he cannot be forgiven. I hope Lector enjoyed his liver with favre beans and a nice chianti.
5.Nancy Spungen — Chloe Webb — “Sid and Nancy”
Let’s just cut to the chase — I would have killed this bitch, too. From her horrible nasally whine, “S-iiiiiiiidddddddd!” to her just general nastiness, Nancy Spungen goes down in history as not only a Yoko Ono style rock ruiner, but as a horrible trollop.
4. Carter Burke — Paul Reiser — “Aliens”
Carter Burke is the mining company scumbucket that decides that it would be a GOOD idea to bring back the Alien — a totally xenophobic species with CONCENTRATED ACID FOR BLOOD. Sure he bites it in the end, but only after managing to implant Alien embryos in both Ripley and Newt. Asshole.
3. Telly — Leo Fitzpatrick — “Kids”
Okay, you may not remember this, but THIS is the guy that finds out he’s HIV positive and decides that THE THING TO DO is to deflower as many virgins as possible (without protection of course). Eww. I mean, horrible person doesn’t even cover this shit.
2. Ron Burgandy — Will Ferrell — “Anchorman”
Okay, just because Ron’s pathetic and hilarious doesn’t make him any less of a douchecanoe. He’s on the list because he’s kind of the epitomy of all sleazoids. Stereotypes exist because they’re true, and Brut exists because of guys like this. This is Kelly’s favorite movie.
AND THE WINNER IS:
1. Lando Calrissian — Billy Dee Williams — “Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back”
Lando Calrissian may turn out to be kind of a nice guy, but that does not excuse the fact that he’s almost TOO PIMP TO BE BELIEVED. This guy is so oily he could get not just your boyfriend, but also your Mom, your dog, and your goldfish frozen in carbonite WHILE staging a two-finger panty invasion. Lando Calrissian could get laid in a nunnery on Easter. He is a seriously wonderful sleaze, and (for that) he holds the top spot.
Lest We Forget: RCS Sleazebag Runners Up
Mickey Rourke – Henry Chinaski – Bar Fly
Dustin Hoffman – Ratso – Midnight Cowboy
Robin Williams –Joey O’Brian – Cadillac Man
Thomas Hayden Church – Jack – Sideways
Gary Oldman – Drexyl Spivey – True Romance
Michael Douglas – Gordon Gekko – Wall Street
Al Pacino – Ricky Roma – Glengarry Glen Ross
Tom Cruise – Frank T.J. Mackey – Magnolia
Phillip Seymour Hoffman – Allen – Happiness
Angelina Jolie – Sara Sway Wayland – Gone in Sixty Seconds
Stanley B. Herman –Uncle Hank – Requiem For a Dream
Tina Turner – Aunty Entity – Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome
Sam Rockwell — Victor Mancini – Choke
Johnny Lee Miller — Sickboy – Trainspotting
Juliette Lewis – Mallory Knox – Natural Born Killers
Robert Downey Jr. – Wayne Gayle – Natural Born Killers
Rober Deniro –Max Cady – Cape Fear
Al Pacino — Tony Montana – Scar Face
Kurtwood Smith — Clarence Boddiker – Robocop
Every Single Redneck in Deliverance
Leatherface’s Relatives – Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Patsy Ruth Miller — Esmerelda – Hunchback of Notre Dame (1923)
James Spader – Rip – Less Than Zero
Yep, total pig-fuckers one and all. Feel free to add to the count by leaving us a comment! Cheers!