Okay, I have to stop laughing long enough to write this. Gimme a minute, cause BARHARHARHARHARHARHAR! There, I’m a little better. So, campers, it looks like along with the Florida-based zombie apocalypse, we’ve got another little problem. 18 year old Justin Bieber (purveyor of such songs as, “Baby,” a musical masterpiece wherein “The Beebs”will buy a girl “anything” or “any ring” to get her back) BEAT UP A PAPARAZZI outside of a California shopping mall. The fact that The Beebs was at a mall comes as no great surprise, but the fact that 83lb (soaking wet) Bieber could beat up a GROWN ASSED MAN is just crazy. Clearly, Bieber has some kind of creepy retard strength that heretofore America has been unaware of. You can read the whole story here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/05/28/justin-bieber-paparazzi-fight-teen-singer-questioning_n_1550254.html.
Honestly, y’all, if I was the Paparazzo who got my ass kicked by Bieber, I’d probably have kept that shit on the down low. I mean, SERIOUSLY? WTF? I guess Ward was a little too hard on the Bieber this week, and that is SWEET.
Update: Bieber is wanted for questioning in the incident. If you know where Bieber is (like if you see him getting rejected by chicks in a bowling alley like in this SUPER ANNOYING VIDEO: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kffacxfA7G4), call the cops immediately. Do not try to apprehend the Beebs yourself. He must be considered “dangerous,” at this point, and he is a fugitive. We don’t want anyone else getting “hurt.”
To help y’all celebrate the awesomeness that is this story, and as an EARLY BIEBER WARNING SYSTEM, we at the RCS have created this t-shirt:
You can buy it here: http://www.zazzle.com/fear_the_bieber_t_shirt-235654659971253098.