I’ve been a fan of Kanye West ever since he made animatronic wax-sculpture Mike Meyers blanch whiter than the purest of Canadian snows with his, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people” interjection. If you want to watch the whole video of Mike trying to look professional while being ass raped on live television, click here:
I gotta say, it’s fucking hilarious. This is the long version that shows Kanye’s pretty much obviously coked-up, incoherent, pre-Bush bashing rant. He was right, though, George Bush didn’t give a fuck about black people.
ANYWAY: our topic today is the possible upcoming nuptials of our hero Kanye West to internationally renowned (for no apparent reason) dipshit, Kim Kardashian. Evidently, the two have been dating for several months and (even though Kim is still busy wrapping up that publicity stunt she had the audacity to call a marriage) they’ve been kanoodling very publically and exchanging gifts like 750,000 dollar cars and massive rings. You can read the entire HuffPost article here:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/12/kanye-west-cant-wait-have-kids-kim-kardashian_n_1589477.html. Meanwhile, in yet another example of why life is stunningly unfair, I can barely get a dude to spring for a cup of coffee (gas station not Starbucks).
Not surprisingly, most of the planet is opposed to the idea of this union. Top reasons cited are that the couple will potentially breed up either the actual antichrist, or some kind of financially gifted super-moron whose Snuggie products-based investment protocols will eventually wind up collapsing the American economy, and the fact that combining that much dumbass in a contained area might cause the level of stupid to rapidly exceed critical and potentially cause an explosion equivalent to 5.3 Chernobyls. I say, WE CAN’T BE SURE. This marriage should be supported and encouraged, in my opinion, because THERE IS A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY THAT KANYE WILL INTERRUPT KIM WHILE SHE’S TRYING TO SAY HER VOWS. And if that happens, the shit fit that will follow will be so funny that the average American spleen might implode in a final act of mirth-related self defense. You gotta root for that!
So, in honor of Kanye and Kim here are a couple of links to appropriate songs from Kanye’s album “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” which even I have to admit is amazing and hilarious.
Here’s “Hell of A Life,” which features the lyric “make a nun cum/make her cremate.” Incredible!
And here’s “Run Away.” I’d say something about Kimmie needing to take a hint, but I know that’s an impossibility, so just listen to the fucking song… you’ll get it: