RCS Staff Writer…Felled By Child Bourn Mega Plague — A Nation Weeps

I’m sure you all missed me yesterday, and believe me, I would have much rather been working for your entertainment than collapsed in my bed totally destroyed by a massive dose of the mega plague — courtesy of my nephew.  I thought that providing care for adorable little children would be kind of a rad job, aside from poopy diapers and whining.  Most of the time (when they’re not actively shitting themselves, or hatching a master plan to shit or piss on something else) my nephews are charming, funny, and cute as hell.  At least that’s what I thought until yesterday.  Today, I’m revising my opinion.

My nephew Avery has lately been infected with a cold.  He’s been a little cranky, but he’s weathered the storm fairly well.  He’s had a nasty cough and been a little feverish, but most of the time he’s just toddling happily around, chasing the dogs and laughing hysterically at dirt clods.  Same old same old.  I felt sorry for the poor raspy little thing, so I gave him lots of love .  BIG MISTAKE!  HUGE!  The disease that failed to knock a one and a half year old down for five minutes felled me with such finality that I couldn’t lift my head for 24 hours except to expel massive phleghm globbers.  I thought I was gonna die.

Because of this, I have decided that infant virology is a study unto itself.  I’m pretty sure that unlike viruses that infect your regular, full-sized human, disease that inhabits fun-sized people operates more like a reverse ponzi scheme.  Basically, the only way kids get rid of illness is to pass it on to adults, who in turn get about 1 billion times sicker than the kid ever got, thus resulting in a much more diseased world overall.   Meanwhile, the kid gets the benefit of pretty much doing whatever he wants while the adult is too sick to stop him. Everybody wins — well, at least everybody on Team Cookie and Bubo.

Here is a comic I made to help illustrate my point:



About rubberchickensociety

The Rubber Chicken Society is a loosely knit collective of free thinkers who support and enjoy chicken related humor.
This entry was posted in dogs, Humor, mother, pets, relationships, strange, Uncategorized, WTF and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Tell us what YOU think!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s