Toxicology Results Back (FINALLY) In Florida Gross Cannibal Case…RCS Says, “Neener! We Told You So…!” Coming Soon: Zombie Salvation Camp.

Big news yesterday, folks!  Rudy Eugene’s (the guy in Florida who spent a day reading his Bible and then getting naked and eating another dude’s face) toxicology report has FINALLY surfaced.  The only drug they could find in Eugene’s system was marijuana – and believe me, they LOOKED!  No mention was made of the “pills” supposedly found in Eugene’s stomach at his original autopsy.  You can read the whole story here:

I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starting to get freaked out.  So much of this case makes absolutely no sense.  I know for a FACT that weed might make you crave some Funyons, but it sure as hell doesn’t make you apt to chew someone’s nose off.  If it did, Bonnaroo would have way more to answer for than just a stupid Tupac hologram.  You can read about the RCS Totally Scientific Marijuana Research Project here:

We at the RCS have been saying this whole time that Rudy Eugene was a zombie, and it seems that the evidence is only proving us right.  “Neener,” we cry – doing the “I told you so dance.”  This is, however, a case wherein we don’t want to be correct.  Now we have to convene in order to decide exactly how to rent space in our super cool, unassailably zombie-proofed concrete bunker conveniently located in the Sonoran Desert.   Adjacent to 120,000 acres of burning sand and many lovely cacti, it’s fun for the whole family! Camp RCS boasts zero star, first come first served accommodations which fail to meet even the lowest of third world standards.  Zagat’s said of our retreat in 2011, “Even if the zombies come, Camp RCS probably sucks worse.”   Our mission statement says it all: “Hey, it’s better than being partially eaten.”  So, if YOU don’t want to be marginally nibbled on by a peckish zombie, consider Camp RCS where:  “you can pee pretty much wherever you want, just stay out of my beer.”

Coupons are now available! Just get your badass nickname here: to apply.


About rubberchickensociety

The Rubber Chicken Society is a loosely knit collective of free thinkers who support and enjoy chicken related humor.
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3 Responses to Toxicology Results Back (FINALLY) In Florida Gross Cannibal Case…RCS Says, “Neener! We Told You So…!” Coming Soon: Zombie Salvation Camp.

  1. OLIC says:

    Don’t know if this is more an argument in favor of the existence of zombies or the fact that absolutely batshit crazy folks like to smoke pot too. But I’m totally reserving a spot in the RCS bunker just in case. I always hedge my bets.

  2. Greetings! I’ve been following your site for a while now and finally got the courage to go ahead and give you a shout out from Kingwood Tx! Just wanted to mention keep up the great work!

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