There is something going on in American culture that is weird and probably not good. Why in the hell are fat chicks (and by fat chicks I mean REALLY fat chicks) being forced by discount retailers to choose clothing that almost always has some kind of fattening food item on it? Yesterday, I was at Wal-Mart researching this story and found a veritable plethora of fat chick clothes that sported everything from cupcakes, to chocolate cake slices, to cookies (I found no carrots or other healthy foods, just fat laden pastries). Even Halloween items were divided into fat and skinny. “Regular” sized clothing had monsters, vampires, werewolves, and dumb sayings on it: “This trick is YOUR treat.” “Plus” sized clothing was all candy corn and pumpkins. What’s up designers? We’re already aware that anyone with more body mass than a standard clothes hanger offends your delicate art nerd sensibilities by “ruining the line” of your polyester attempts at haute couture, but SERIOUSLY – get the fuck over yourselves. You’re designing for Wal-Mart. You’re pretty much the fashion industry piss boy. What other sect of design would complain so vehemently against having paying work in their field? You don’t see architects getting pissed off and insulting their clients by building deliberately unappealing nastiness. You don’t find many EMPLOYED graphic designers who won’t work to their client’s standards. Most artists look at problems as challenges, not as onuses. It actually makes you a BETTER artist to tackle difficult projects. But, what do you assholes do? You make a four seamed tarp with a fucking cupcake on it and expect fatty to wear it over those every so attractive pinched ankle elastic waist pants that you’re selling as the second part of the ensemble – and you don’t care because, “Hey, if I wanted to design tents, I’d work for Cabela’s” (like Cabela’s would have you, jerk).
Here’s the deal, Wal-Mart, Target, K-Mart, and Jaqueline Smith (you utter cunt) – not all of America is a size two. In fact, we’re pretty much fatter than anyone on earth, so if you had the brains that grace the cranial cavity of your standard grasshopper, you’d figure out a way to make fat people look better. You’re not going to be able to shame someone out of being fat by putting a cupcake on the front of their 3XL sweatshirt – as if you expect them to advertise, “I ate this. This is how I got FAT.” It’s the scarlet cupcake. Like Hester Prynne’s glowing A, placing these food items on women’s chests is simply a method of shaming – a puritanical one at best. You fashion cats are pretty opposed to puritanical values, yes? SO QUIT IT. STOP BEING LAZY, DO YOUR FUCKING JOB, AND MAKE SHIT THAT LOOKS GOOD – even if it requires quadruple seaming and buttresses. Do it for yourselves, do it for your sales, and do it for the rest of us who are sick to death of people having to don the sweatshirt of shame just because they’re overweight. It’s not fair, and it sucks.
Conversely, and I’ll try to be gentle here: ladies, if you’re overweight STOP TAKING THIS SHIT. Cake is NOT CUTE on your shirt. Look around – how many skinny girls do you see sporting pictures of desserts on their chests? NONE. Because, even if skinny Minnie thought that was a cute fashion statement she couldn’t find anything in her size with that kind of saccharine nonsense on it. THEY’RE ONLY MAKING THAT CRAP TO SHAME YOU. QUIT BUYING IT. It makes you look really, really dumb. Basically, what you’re saying by wearing that crap around is that it’s okay to make fun of you. You’re adopting the jolly fat girl attitude, fighting back with self-deprecation: “Heh heh heh – yeah I guess I had a FEW too many cupcakes. Look, I even have one on my shirt.” There’s no reason to be self-deprecatory. You’re fat. You didn’t fucking murder someone. Your body isn’t anybody’s god damned business but your own. If you need a sweatshirt, go get a men’s plain one. If you want an embellished sweatshirt, buy a beadazzler – and for fuck’s sweet sake do NOT beadazzle a god damned food item on to it. Just stop the insanity. If you insist on clothing that makes you look good (and YES it is fucking possible ), then stores will have to provide it for you. You’re a person, not a sleeping bag. You don’t have to wear a tent.