We at the RCS know that you Republicans out there are reproducing at an exponential rate (largely due to lack of birth control and abortions), and although we don’t necessarily approve of the general nation-wide potential increase in total assholes, we realize that you folks have a problem. Your turbo-dumb candidates have officially stolen all of the super cool baby names that start with the letter T. What’s a Pube to do these days? The Palins alone took both Trig AND Track, and Romney swooped in and scooped up Tag (just to make sure his child was totally clueless on the playground). We at the RCS feel for you guys, and so we have thoughtfully provided this convenient solution. Just click here: http://www.generatorland.com/usergenerator.aspx?id=3592 and your baby naming woes will be solved well into the next century. We have also included omni-bonus middle names because we know you’re going to be creatively bankrupt in that area as well. Have fun and click as many times as you like. Perhaps you won’t have to name your daughter Sarah Palin McCain Jones (as suggested by Yahoo! Answers) after all.
*The RCS in no way guarantees that a name like Tantrum Junkdrooler Jones will result in any decrease in elementary school-style taunting, but it may just keep your kid marginally distant from the wall when the revolution comes. Overall, it’s a safety measure. The question really is: Don’t you love your child enough to name them T-Cell Sanders Brown? We at the RCS feel that a name like that is heading straight to the White House.
*Thank you OLIC for providing the concept and most of the creative impetus behind this experiment. You rock so hard Motley Crue wants to hire you as an ex-officio advisor on how to wear a skull bandana without looking like a total assweasel. We are glad that you have thus far resisted the temptation to accept.